Guess Who's NOT Going to Win this Week's Award for Excellence in Customer Service?

The Accounts Receivable department at ADT Security. I called them at 8:00 a.m. this morning to update my in-law's monthly automatic billing to a new credit card number. This is the message I received:

"Thank you for calling ADT Accounts Receivable. Our office is open from 7:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. mountain standard time. We are experiencing a higher than usual volume of calls....."

OK, so I've heard that before. I expected the message to tell me my approximate wait time, as it does if you call Bell or Rogers or American Express or..... but no, here's what came next.....

"....We will return your call within 3 business days."

WHAT????? 3 BUSINESS DAYS TO RETURN A PHONE CALL TO COLLECT MY PAYMENT????? Who established that standard -- I pitifully picture some middle manager at a meeting announcing that the new standard for returning customer phone calls is 3 days. THREE *&^%$##%&* DAYS? THIS IS ACCEPTABLE? DOES THE PRESIDENT OF ADT KNOW THAT THE A/R STANDARD FOR RETURNING CUSTOMER PHONE CALLS IS 3 DAYS?????

Notice that it's not 3 days -- but 3 BUSINESS days.

Never mind that A/R collections can make or break a company. It's all about cash flow *&&%^%%*()!

(c) 2006 Michelle Henderson
aka Empress of the Universe

Online at www.empressgallery.com

Mozart 250 Birthday Celebrations

Mozart on the beach in the south of France, January 2006. 1 of 4, click to enlarge (popups must be enabled to view larger icon). Make sure you have the volume turned up!

McDonalds and KFC - How Stupid is This?

I enjoy McDonald's breakfast every once in a while. My favourite is a Sausage McMuffin with egg and 2 hash browns. My favourite drink in the whole wide world is club soda, lots of ice. But not every McD serves club soda; in fact, very few do.

So I end up ordering exactly this: Sausage McMuffin with Egg and 2 hash browns, please.

Twice in the past two weeks the attendant has asked what drink I would like with my order. "No drink," I answer.

"But it's cheaper if you order a drink," she says.

Huh?

Tonight I went to the KFC drive-thru. "May I take your order?" the attendant asked. "Yes, I'd like a 3 pc meal, please" (I always say please.)

"And what drink would you like with that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I don't want a combo," I said. "Just a meal, no drink."

"But it's cheaper to get it with a drink," she says.

Huh?

How can the same food be cheaper if I order a drink? Doesn't the franchisee have to pay for the syrup, servicing the fountain, the ice, the cup and lid AND the attendant to pour the drink, reducing productivity, and slowing down drive-thru service overall? And I pay LESS?

What business school did these guys go to?

I'm going to start ordering the drink just so I can pay less. Then I'm gonna leave it on the curb just outside the drive thru.

Let's add an additional cost -- now the lot and lobby worker has more garbage to pick up.

How stupid is that?

(c) Michelle Henderson
aka Empress of the Universe

Online at www.empressgallery.com

My Sister's Blog

Please read my sister's blog.

My sister has gastroparesis. She needs a new pacemaker and she needs it now.

Canada is supposed to be the land of universal health care. It's not really true. Please read about her quality of life.

What she has to say is far more valuable than my senseless opinion on anything.


(c) 2006 Empress of the Universe
aka Michelle Henderson

Visit online at www.empressgallery.com

More Evidence the End is Near

Links proving the end of the world is coming upon us.

Updated April 12, 2006: Couple fake sextuplets to defraud neighbours.

Originally posted March 14, 2006: Father convicted of drugging children's tennis opponents.

Reading from Left to Right

Remember when people used to read from left to right? Have you noticed that email has changed all that -- now we have to read "from the bottom up."

Is this Stupid or is it Just Me?

I just ordered tickets for a play. Is this stupid or is it just me? Here's the notice that came just before I hit the "pay for these tickets" button:

A $1.00 Convenience Fee will be added to each ticket in this order. An Internet Order Fee of $1.20 and $0.50 per ticket will be added to this order.

Forgive me, but doesn't that mean that $2.70 per ticket will be added to this order? What exactly is the point of separating the charges? Is it supposed to make me feel like $1.00 plus $1.20 plus $0.50 is less than $2.70? And what exactly is the difference between a "convenience fee" for using the internet and "an internet order fee" and why is the "internet order fee" $1.20 and .50 per ticket? Is it possible that the internet order fee is supposed to mean $1.20 per order and $0.50 per ticket?

What if we did the same thing on our CDs?

Please pay $15.98 for your CD. Please note, an Overhead Service Fee of $1.00 will be added to your order. A Marketing Privilege Fee of $1.20 will be added to your order. Please add $0.50 per disc to cover the cost of our Employee Bonus Program. Please add $3.00 for postage, $1.20 for an envelope and $0.70 for the productivity we lose every time an employee walks an order to the mailbox. If you're ordering 3 CDs or more and the price of gas is less than $0.80 per litre, please add an additional $0.70 to cover the cost of driving your order to the post office. If gas costs more than $0.80 a litre, please add an additional $0.17. Thank you for your business!

(c) 2006 Michelle Henderson
aka Empress of the Universe